God dammit I was gonna write something down about how much I hate the (sort-of) current state of the average male in America, and how he has become the very embodiment of assholery and douchebagginess.
But you know what? I'm not going to because this article did it for me: http://www.campussqueeze.com/post/69-Ways-Youre-A-Douchebag.aspx
This makes my argument futile as it lists a majority of the things I hate about 99% of most males under the age of 30. They are trying SO HARD to be "that one guy" that every other guy isn't and is also secretly trying to be.
I want to scream to each of these man-icured scumbag self-primping jagoffs that they aren't special in any way whatsoever, yet the proliferation of these shitheels keep on coming.
I'm only hoping anyone on this site - someone! - agrees with me, as I want to just clock them with a fucking baseball bat in the back of the head.
If you agree with me or disagree, please let me know why douchebags and their jagoff ilk can be allowed to live.
(If this seems like a silly topic, don't respond. It seems kind of stupid anyway.)
i get to feeling that way sometimes jc. i often wonder why it's not legal to smack someone around for being a total douchebag.
i don't know how old you are jc but i'm middle 40's and i'm full on turning into my dad. not that i consider that a bad thing but it does make me laugh that i can let someone get at me like that sometimes.
they sure test my "live and let live" way of thinking at times.
I will confess to number 41 on that list but that's it.
So glad I am not one of those guys.
The douches down here are slightly different from yours, but in essence they are all the same.
It's like a collective conscience ruling their weak heads and as soon as one of them start a fashion, uncounciously others who live miles away start doing the same until they are all alike again.
I get very angry just by seeing those suckers on the street. My first need is to punch them hard until they shit their teeth, but then I come to realize that's not worth doing so. For each one you kill, two new simply pop up from the ground somewhere else.
Oh, how I wish I had a million clamshells... I'd buy a farm in the middle of the Amazon rain forest, or in our swamp region here. I'd hire some girls to go after these guys and invite 'em to the best rave ever. 10 days non-stop. I'd take them there, leave them in this farm, wave goodbye and come back to town with the plane. Wanna get back? Come walking through the wild. If you survive the snakes, alligators and jaguars, congratulations, you'll find yourself in the middle of nowhere, no roads and no food. I think they all will be gone in a week.
Money well spent.
A topic after my heart Johnny C. I can't tell you how crazy I get when I see the Yankees hat with the size sticker on the bill. You're a 7 1/8? Awesome.Or Spray Tan Magee on the subway. Bad taste is everything. Especially music. It's troubling that there is less and less people that are willing to say out loud, "I hate all this crap that you think is trendy."
I have a subquestion. Has there ever been a product that has gone from trendy to associated with douches and jerk-offs faster than the Ed Hardy regalia? I say no. If you pay $85 bucks for a t-shirt, I'd like to smack you.
Maybe in a future podcast I'll tell the story of running up the score against the frat boys in a college intramural basketball game just to embarrass them. About 40 sorority sisters came to watch them lose by 50. It's a classic.
I can honestly say that none of the 69 ways apply to me. The only ones that are even close are some of the workout related ones...
14.) You Start Fights Over The Best Brand Of Whey Protein
I don't start fights over it, and usually the topic is "What's the cheapest Whey Protein". Protein is good schtuff man. BTW, I like Muscle Milk.
40.) You've Ever Taken A Picture Of Yourself Shirtless For The Purpose Of Distributing It On The Internet
Me and several people from the forums for my workout program did a challenge on who could add the most bulk in 30 days, pictures were involved. Maybe this counts. It's not like I posted them to MySpace.
6.) You Own A Comb
Ok, got me here. I do own a comb. What, owning a "styling brush" is better? Are we not supposed to comb our hair at all until we look like freaking hipsters? I'm thinking that should be rephrased into "You carry a comb" which is totally douchey. I don't see how soley relegating your hair care to the 99 cent black plastic comb is douchey.
#41 doesn't fit in the this list Frank. Douchebags never follow any band that's not popular or famous. So you're in the clear.
I'll confess I am the #43 guy - and I do it to be a douchebag!
JW, once in my co-ed softball league we played a bunch of cocky douchebags (male and female douchebags) that hadn't lost in like 100 games.
No shit, they're record was 100-0. League champs for like 5 years straight.
We were the new team and played them in the playoffs.
They brought a reporter from the Daily News to do a story on their undefeated streak as well as family members, girlfriends, posse, etc. They were talking trash before the first pitch. That was bad luck.
We beat them 10-2. Crushed their spirits and their hope for the lead in the next days paper.
Watching them unravel was so very gratifying! Never was a handshake at the end of a game more fun!
Oh man. I have to say I think these dudes are funny. The pucker thing - where did that come from?
Anyway, back in the late 80's there was a guy in my dorm who was big into heavily acid washed jeans (actual quote - 'Dude I had two bitches tell me they like these pants') , wore an Indiana Jones hat, did the jell thing, and said the word 'Dude' absolutely every fucking sentence.
The Douche will always be with us. They use gel instead of mouse these days.
SNL's DoucheBag Championships (sponsored by Maxim):
http://gawker.com/308182/saturday-night-lives-2007-douchebag-awards
Dig it Brocefus!
Johnny, In answer to your Sub-Question: LaCoste shirts, Members Only jackets, and Gargoyles sunglasses.
even in the 80's the douche was with us.
Gargoyle sunglasses is a good call.
Oh, no, are we really going there?
I had the following: 2 pairs of Avirex neon-colored parachute pants, Ray-Bans, the Z. Cavarricci dago top, a bomber jacket (cause I was in the Army then) with aviator sunglasses, and of course Keds, Converse or Chuck Taylor's, the ones in blue or red or even white.
And this was for going out.
For sitting round the house: acid-washed jeans, KMET (radio station in Seattle) black shirts featuring Heart, and the hair? Butch-style, kind of Tom Cruise ala Top Gun but more like the sorry excuse for a mullet/shag thingy that would make anyone now cry.
Oh yeah, and not caring what anyone else did while I prepped in the bathroom for 45 minutes - blowdry, gel, shave, powder, a bit of lotion and cologne - Canoe, Drakkar, Prestige, Trouble, or even the true designer's brand of the time - Paco Rabanne!
Then it was out to the 1979 Olds and out to party, Def Leppard on the Sparkomatic cassette!
This was the eighties for me, a younger twenty-something pre-douchebag looking to get laid.
Sadly, it worked. Then.
The 80's they were a time..
Here's an earlier YBNBY blog post along these lines. Awesome pics.
http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2009/04/men_who_are_too.html
J.C.
It is a sad tale you tell, and, my friend I feel for you!
But.
Let me just say one word in response: Disco.
Yes sir, we had our douchebags....oh, yes we did.
They dressed like us, they talked like us....
My point is: Douchebags... are douchebags...are douchebags.....
In this era or the next, there will always be douchebags!
What Johnny C, no Hai-Karate?
OMG I've dated a douchebag!
Well, I suppose "dated" isn't exactly the right word...
Vicky, vicky, vicky....say it isn't so!
And, then, share details.......
We're listening to you Vicky... put it all out.
One night in Bangkok and the tough girls crumble, eh Vick?
Thought this was on the subject too....
http://gawker.com/5326187/jon-stewart-hosts-an-epic-clash-of-the-intellectual-titans
yea Baierman
and
a lady reveals nothing ;o)
How much of a douche is he:
He's douchier than the Massengill factory during that time of the month.
He's such a douche I thought he was a Tsunami of vinegar and water.
Douchier than the editorial staff of Maxim.
Douchier than the consumers of Axe body spray.
Hmm. Tricky.
I think he uses Tag body spray (which is the same shit)
He also:
...works out like his life depends on it
...wears a Marines t-shirt because it's "badass" and he's never been a Marine
...uses more product on his hair than I do
...is my age and he lives with his parents
...does have "that" spiky stupid gelled-out hair and is way too tan
UGH, I feel dirty, and not in a good way
Vick, we are here for you, darling!
Hold your head up and be proud that you recognize a problem when you come upon it.
From your description, I believe this is what you should avoid:
"Guido" (or "Gino") is a slang term for a younger lower class or working class urban Italian-American. The Guido stereotype is often portrayed as humorously thuggish with an overtly macho attitude and an unyielding pride in his Italian ancestry.
In a wider sense (and not directly connected to the above term anymore) is the use of 'Guido' as a bouncer slang term for an obnoxious club-going male.[1]
"Vick, we are here for you, darling!
Hold your head up and be proud that you recognize a problem when you come upon it.
From your description, I believe this is what you should avoid:
"Guido" (or "Gino") is a slang term for a younger lower class or working class urban Italian-American. The Guido stereotype is often portrayed as humorously thuggish with an overtly macho attitude and an unyielding pride in his Italian ancestry.
In a wider sense (and not directly connected to the above term anymore) is the use of 'Guido' as a bouncer slang term for an obnoxious club-going male.[1]"
You can get your fill of Guidos here: http://guidowned.com/gallery.html
For the love of anything you may call holy, don't go.
Johnny Chicago may be on vacation?
.... but this is for the rest of you
http://www.veoh.com/browse/videos/category/comedy/watch/v17990992nmqFyzgY
I've done the most doucheable offense that anyone can do online:
I've started a blog.
I think I'll be okay, because I don't need the validation of others, but I did this because I was tired of getting into arguments with other younger douches at the bar about what is the best music ever written.
So, here it is: http://greatestsongevermade.blogspot.com/
If it sucks, let me know, and I'll do my best to not care about you, because we all know that people who offer their idea of opinions online are mostly failed writers & and assholes anyway.
Kinda like me.
Douchebags will be sporting these in the coming months...
http://img36.yfrog.com/i/9kxk.jpg/